Friday, November 16, 2012

Ah Yes, Yes It Does...





Thursday, November 15, 2012

I Wonder...

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I came across this photo in my blog reading.  There was no story attached...just the picture.  Is it sad that I took one look and my very first thought was, "I wonder what he did for him to give her those?  It must have not been good..."?  Sounds like I'm a bitter bitch, doesn't it?  :o)

Don't get me wrong.  It's not like I've never received flowers from a guy before.  Random roses here and there...stalker roses...a few bouquets, even a movie moment rose...but nothing near what's in the picture above.  In reality, I'd much rather have the guy who remembers special dates, little things about me and what I like and don't like, the guy who who speaks of me sweetly, lovingly and honors me not only in my presence but almost more importantly when I'm not with him.  I'd much rather have all of that than a monstrous bouquet...because in the end, flowers die.  But flowers are nice too.  :)  Can't I have it all?  


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I Know This To Be True...

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This...

This made me cry when I read it.  I'm not sure why.  Is it because I'm scared that I don't have it...or that I do?


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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Gratitude

One of the biggest changes I'm making right now to change how I'm feeling emotionally, mentally and physically....focusing on gratitude...





Saturday, November 3, 2012

Failing

I am currently failing miserably at this...I think....but I'm really trying to stop it. I don't want to be that person.

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Friday, November 2, 2012

Oh That Grey's Anatomy...

I'm going through a whole lot of unresolved emotions and thoughts from the past....oh I don't know...my entire life maybe?  This craniosacral therapy I've been doing has really worked me over in terms of opening me up to experience all of this that I apparently have been holding onto forever.  I've been finding myself driving home with tears randomly streaming down my face about stuff that's happened when I was 10...and stuff that happened a few months ago...and stuff that happened in all of the periods in between.

My Special Someone and one of my college BFFs have been hearing about or experiencing a lot of it especially in this last week.  God bless you both for putting up with me...or at least somewhat acting like you are.  So I'm trying to get a handle on it again because I REALLY hate being out of sorts emotionally - although you probably couldn't tell by a lot of my posts on here.  But then I keep coming across these types of things either on Facebook, Pinterest or Google Reader and it sets something else off.  Oy to the vey.





I Guess I Was Just Too Happy....

August 2012....when I really started to let myself be happy and just be in it...and then...boom.  And it took a decade to let myself do that again.  I wonder how long it's going to take this time...





I Need To Read This...

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I first experienced love through books.  I've been a bookworm from the very first word I was able to decipher on a page filled with words.  Lately I haven't read much for pleasure.  I've grown into somewhat of an impatient woman with my entertainment as has much of the world around me, with a preference towards movies and television.  But I remember the beauty of losing myself in the story of whatever I was reading, especially the love stories.  For the longest time I thought that was where love, the purest form of love, really lived.  I mean, I hadn't experienced yet myself.  I hadn't seen it play out in reality around me the way it did in my books, so of course I thought it only lived in my books like every other fantasy story.

And then I experienced it myself.  Even with  it being just my one sided love, it finally clicked.  Really clicked.  THIS is what they were talking about in my books.  It didn't just sound nice and wonderful.  In reality it was SO. Much. Better.  But I was still missing something.  I'm still missing something.  What does it feel like to be loved back, with the same strength and intensity that I love and to really feel that I'm being loved that way?  I didn't fully realize that I was missing it until I read the Ernest Hemingway passage above.  Maybe I'm not loving outwardly as fully as I think I am now and thus I'm not feeling it returned.  I don't know.  What I do know is that I need to read A Farewell to Arms...




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