Monday, October 15, 2012

The Place I'm In...

Photo source

This chick in the photo is not me lounging about on a hammock, though I really wish it was.  When I see photos like this I think about my own trip to lands of fantasy beaches...otherwise known as Fiji.  It was a transitional time for me.  I was very spiritually open at the time, having worked on my personal development aggressively for about a year or so prior, and I had my mind as open as my spirit with thoughts of anything being possible.  Considering that I found myself in Fiji at all pretty much validated that notion.  

Why am I bringing this up now?

Well, you see, I'm finding myself in kind of a transitional space.  Right at the beginning of the transition really, and I'm not quite sure what I'm transitioning into.  I just know intuitively (and physically and emotionally too) there's a pretty significant change in play.  You wanna know the interesting event that I believe brought about this shifting in my world?  The heartbreak and the healing of it over the last several months that I've been writing about (and probably annoying you all with).  When something happens that shakes up your world, that shakes up your belief system, that may even break you to a certain extent, it changes who you are whether you want it to or not.  You start to question and re-evaluate...everything.

When I was sick with chronic fatigue syndrome, it wasn't necessarily one event that brought me down.  I had some time and a number of emotionally traumatizing losses that eased me into it even though I didn't realize that's what was happening.  It wasn't immediately devastating like the heartbreak of a few months ago.  This time was different than that and yet very familiar at the same time.

And then I figured out what my current state reminded me of...the day my dad died and the aftermath of that.  The immediate devastating shock of it all.  Like somewhere deep in my subconscious I may not have been all that surprised looking back, but I had been shutting the warnings down from my subconscious for so long that when reality hit, it was like being launched against a concrete wall from a cannon.  Truth be told, physically and emotionally it very much felt that way as well.  And then this numbing sadness where all of my senses and emotions felt muted overtakes you.  And you feel stuck not knowing how to move forward from it.

Well after about a month of feeling stuck in this wasteland of emotion, I mentally took an inventory of every therapy I've ever used to bring me back to me...and this time I kept coming back to craniosacral therapy.  You can google it for the specifics, but the way I look at it is a combination of acupressure therapy and energy healing.  And like anything related to energy healing, in order for it to actually be effective you have to be open to it.  So that's what I've been doing for the last few weeks. I've had about 3 sessions, and I've felt a little more weight has been lifted from my chest.  I've felt myself able to breathe a little easier, sleep a little better, and begin thinking a little more clearly as well.

And now I'm back to just considering certain things coming my way a little more carefully and letting other things flow a little more rather than holding on to them too tightly.  And it seems that the things that are supposed to be in my life are...and those that aren't are finding their way out.  I think it's going to continue to be a bit of a process, but I'm finally moving forward.

By the way, thank you to the few of you that have sent me kind messages throughout the last few months.  I appreciate it more than I can express here.

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