Monday, July 16, 2012

Falling From Cloud 9

I think it may be fairly obvious from my last post that I’m currently going through a heartbreak. I don’t go through these very often in my lifetime. I’ve been bruised fairly often, but actual breaks? The kind of breaks where every part of you (physically, emotionally and spiritually) feels broken? Well now there have been 3 in my life so far. The first was my father. The second was in 2003. And now. (By the way, my heart was so broken in 2003 that it took me until about two years ago to even consider letting anyone else in there - to risk that kind of devastation again.) I really thought this one would eventually be worth the risk. I hope that someday I will heal enough to take the leap again. But obviously the risk of heartbreak is not something you want to go about inviting into your life, and this one is so bad that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to trust a man again.

I’m not going to go into the gory details about what happened. It’s really not worth my blog space. That formerly “special someone” has already taken up too much space in my blog over the last couple of years that he really didn’t deserve. I just wanted to communicate that I’m going through a level of devastation right now that I don’t know how long I will be feeling, so the blog posts over the next few weeks (months? Years?) may seem a little bipolar as I have my up days and down days.

One of the positives that have come out of this is the level of support from those close and not so close to me. All I had to say was that I was hurting right now, insinuating what had happened without having to spell it out, and people came flooding out of the woodwork to comfort me. What’s even more interesting is the various men in my past…casual friends or co-workers and otherwise who have reached out to offer support and assure me of my value and worth….to let me know how well I had treated them in whatever capacity (mostly plutonic) and that I was so “wonderful” they were hoping that they were assuming wrong…that someone hadn’t taken advantage of my heart. I’m not expressing this to say…”See how many people think I’m awesome?” I’m expressing it to say, “Always treat people with respect and kindness. Care about your fellow human beings. Really care.  You never know when they will surprise you and return the favor when you’re in need.” It’s been a wonderful reminder to not shut people out and think poorly of all men. I may never seek the company of one again (or at least anytime in the near future). So for now, I’m continuing my fall from Cloud 9. I sincerely hope I make a permanent return visit at some point in my life.



"Wide Awake"


I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?

I'm wide awake

And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems

I'm wide awake

Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete

Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake

Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet

I'm wide awake

Need nothing to complete myself, no

I'm wide awake

Yeah, I am born again
Outta the lion's den
 I don't have to pretend
And it's too late
The story's over now, the end

I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete

Falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake

Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling

I'm wide awake

I am trying to hold on

I'm wide awake

God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side

I'm wide awake

But I'm not blind anymore...

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
You know I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud 9

 I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake






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