Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Relishing the Quiet

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This week has been a quiet one at work...versus the anything but quiet of the last few months, and I am grateful. While I enjoy being busy, sometimes your brain and your body just needs a break to do...absolutely nothing.  Granted - I'm not exactly doing "nothing" this week, but I'm allowing the space of the quiet to enter my psyche long enough to rejuvenate it.  Because I'm not sure when the next onslaught of craziness is going to hit.  Because right now I need to balance my quietness with the lives of the not-so-quiet of my family...who need me right now.

So I'm thankful...and so very grateful for this brief reprieve in my world.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

What's On My Mind Today

So I've been thinking or reminiscing a lot about my most recent weekend with my someone special. During that weekend he made some observations about me...some things about me that I would have thought would annoy him (so I've kept it to a minimum) or some things about myself that would mortify me if I thought he knew about them.  You know, some of the things you tend to reserve to do for when you are alone.

....and you thought I was gonna give you specific examples...yeah right.


So he's randomly told me about these observations over the course of our time together...the most mortifying reveal happening recently...and prefaced these observations as being the most adorable things ever and increased his appeal for me.  Like..."while you sleeping you did the cutest thing..."

First of all, I trust him.  Obviously, otherwise he would NEVER see anything that might be compromising to me - even in the throws of pure exhaustion.  But I'm kind of shell shocked a bit that he thinks these things about me are any kind of way.  That's new.  Brand spanking new for me to experience. 

And you know, what might be cute during this extended "honeymoon" phase of discovering each other could easily become the most annoying trait(s) ever at some point.  I know I'm getting way ahead of myself and visualizing everything between now and downhill...which is bad...really bad.  But when you've never known a relationship to go anywhere but downhill...uphills or no hills are pretty hard to see from here.  And although my mind is going in this direction, I'm also making a great effort not to look too far past today with him.  There are so many reasons why this shouldn't work out.  So many reasons.  But for whatever reason, it's working out right now.  And it's working REALLY well.  This too is also brand spanking new for me.  I'm trying though.  Boy am I trying.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Checking In...

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I haven't disappeared. Although on some days I wish I was invisible - like today.  I had a really bad case of insomnia last night, so 4-5 hours of sleep makes for a tired, cranky Monday morning.  I've just been doing a lot of soul searching, and it's hard to know what should and shouldn't be disclosed on a public forum.  I mean, once you put it out there for the world to see, it really does stay out there in perpetuity.  And there are some ideas, emotions and disclosures about myself that I want to remain just mine.  Permanently.  so to avoid having diarrhea of the fingers and clicking "Publish" without a second thought, I just felt it was better to just not post anything, until I could do so and not have to think about what I was typing every other sentence.

So what has been going on?  A short list:

  • Work drama - the likes of which I haven't seen since high school.  Some people really never outgrow adolescent behavior, do they?  It's been a really long time...and I mean a REALLY long time since I've come across such blatant selfishness and immaturity in a professional setting, so this all came as a bit of a shock to c'est la vie.  I know some of you are thinking...if it's been that long since you've dealt with it, you are way lucky.  Yes, I am fully aware and am grateful.
  • Avoiding the raging flu/really nasty cold viruses that have literally everyone around me has been getting.  I feel like I should be immune to all things viral after the stomach flu that wouldn't die hit me back in January, but I've been pumping 1000 mg of Vitamin C in daily just in case.  So far it seems to be working.  *fingers crossed*
  • Trying really hard to not continue to fall for my manfriend and failing miserably at it.  Miserably.  Why would I not want to fall?  Well now see this would be one of those things that I don't necessarily want to put out there.  For eternity.  To be discovered and rehashed at random points throughout the rest of my life.  If he wants to know, he can ask me.  And I'll tell him.  Does he already know I'm trying not to fall for him?  Probably.
What else has been going on?

Well, just  a general clearing out the clutter in my physical and emotional surroundings.  This de-cluttering - well it's not altogether that easy as many can attest to, I'm sure.  But it's time.  Actually it's long overdue.  So I'm doing it.  Slowly, but it's happening.

Hopefully at some point I will get back to - get inspired to - post more regularly.  I just need to clean out all of this "junk" first...and I don't mean transfer it from one place to here.  :)


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