Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Wiggin' Out

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I used to be one of those people who handled stress well...or so I thought. I spent years internalizing it, pushing through and coming out on "top." I worked 12+ hour days, sometimes 100+ weeks. But I needed balance so I also went out with friends, drank it up and ate well. And by well I mean yummy fancy food, not necessarily healthy. While I recognized my body and mind becoming tired, I was able to maintain my stamina with the gallons of coffee I pumped in it - having switched over from my high school and college staples, Mountain Dew and Coca-Cola.  

And then the years in high school, college, my new career as well as the stresses of the death and the circumstances surrounding their deaths of a few of my closest family members hit me.   What started off as a walking pneumonia virus that appeared as a cold to my co-workers turned into a full fledged trigger for my chronic fatigue syndrome.  And I went down.  Hard.  For 9 months.  While I'm not going to go into the details of that period in this post, let's just say that I had to learn A LOT about my body, health, stress and life during that time.  I mean, what else did I have to do when I didn't have enough energy to make it out of bed?
Why am I bringing up all of this now?  Because I'm stressed.  And I don't have to be because I actually do have things under control in this very busy time.  And except for looking like I need a nap, I appear to be handling it all.  And I am. But knowing that I have it under control isn't helping me feel less stressed or less exhausted.  And I can't figure out why.  And I'm tired.

I promise I will return to my normal self soon (no this is not my normal self).  I'm just gonna need a nap first.

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