Thursday, December 29, 2011

Changing My Focus

It's getting to be that time of year again.  Yes, I'm talking about the end of it.  Time to put a close to all that has passed and that which was left undone.  I'm not sure if it's some sort of hormonal imbalance that I'm experiencing or a much deeper rooted issue, but I am feeling quite melancholy as the year ends without a real reason to be feeling this way.  This would be about the time where I would make a list of all the things that have improved since this time last year.  One of those "Change your focus, change your life" tools.  So let's get to it, shall we?

  1. I feel healthier and stronger than I did this time last year.  Last year I was plagued by a seemingly never ending series of colds.  I'm sure the flu was thrown in there as well, but regardless I was feeling sickly to say the least.  I'm not sure if it's the pycnogenol supplement my manfriend introduced me to or just an overall stronger immune system, but other than a slightly runny nose, I have so far escaped the coughing, hacking, sneezing, stuffy head crapola that seems to have plagued everyone around me already this season.  *knock wood*
  2. Professionally, I have more comfort over the security of having a consulting gig that should take me at least through mid-November 2012.  This time last year I only had a gig lined up that would take me through March.  Here's hoping that by this time next year, I'll have landed something more...permanent.
  3. Financially, I have a bit more debt this year than I did last year.  Granted this is not a situation that has improved, but I have a firmer grasp over my financial situation from an awareness standpoint and a clear plan on how to get this situation handled.  Last year it was more of a "vague idea" of where I was financially.
  4. Socially, this time last year I was friends with everybody and their sister.  This year, I have taken a hard look at who these friends really are and what they bring (or don't) to the table and have brought a few in closer and moved a majority into the outer circles.  This is something that's always hard for me to do, but in taking care of me, the review of my circle has become an emotional necessity.
  5. And last, but so far from least it's not even funny, romantically....I have someone special in my life.  He was in my life last year, but he's wiggled his way even further into it becoming someone even more...special.  This situation, it's so hard for me to trust in it and I want to so badly.  I'm trying.  Really hard.  I'm curious as to what I will say about this next year.

Ok, fine.  I feel a little better, but not enough to make me want to do anything more than hibernate under the covers and not come out for at least a week.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I May Have Found Him...

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

102 Questions...

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?  Yes
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?  Hell no.
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? No idea.
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?  I do all the time.
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?  I wouldn't say mad exactly...
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?  Not today.
7. What exactly are you wearing right now? Burgundy sweater, black slacks, black heels
8. How often do you listen to music?  Every day.
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? Jeans
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2012? I don't think so, but you never know. 
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?  Depends on my mood.
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?  No
13. What about ‘R’? I don't think so.
14. Can you drive a stick shift?  Yes.
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? I wish the answer was no, but yes I do care.
16. Are you going out of town soon?  No.
17. When was the last time you cried? Last night.
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?  Yes.
19. If you could change your eye color, would you? I'd love to try blue or green...
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?  I don't know that I do would do absolutely everything for even myself so...
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.  It doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon.  :/
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? Yes. 
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? No.
24. What are you sitting on right now?  An office chair.
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? No.
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? I'm normally the Queen of the Unrequited Love.
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? My mom. 
28. Do you get a lot of colds? Not usually.
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? Talbots
30. Does anyone hate you? If so, I am blissfully unaware of them.
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? No.
32. Do you like watching scary movies? Sometimes.
33. Do you want your tongue pierced? Nope.
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? I don't know that I'd delete one year ever, but I've had some pretty bad ones I'd rather not live through again.
35. Did you have a dream last night? Not that I remember.
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Besides my mom?  Umm...2002 I think?
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?  I doubt it.
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Feelings?  Sure.
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe.
40. Did you have a good day yesterday? It was alright.
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? No.
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?  LOL - is this a questionnaire for guys?  Sure I'll hang out with a girl.  My mom, co-workers...
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes.
44. What’s the best part about school? Not being in it anymore.
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Sure.
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? Yes as a matter of fact I was the major form of flirting when I was in school.
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? All the time.
48. Were you single over the last summer? Yes.
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? Nope.
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Working.
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? No.
52. Are you nice to everyone? Well, not everyone...but in general yes.
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Totally.
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? That's pretty much how I roll...
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? I'm a freakin' expert at it.
56. Do you think you like someone? Yes.
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? Yes. 
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Boys.
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? Yes.
60. Do you hate anyone? No.
61. How’s your heart? Well, it's there.
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yes.
63. Have you ever cried over a guy? I'm not sure that there's ever been a guy that I haven't cried over at some point.
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? People who don't actually know me.
65. Are your toenails painted pink? No.
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? No.
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? Depends on the reason.
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? No. 
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? I can't even remember the last time I talked on the phone.  Ooh wait - I made my pedicure appointment over the phone yesterday.
70. How do you look right now? Awesome :)
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? I have someone that I can come pretty close to being my complete self around. Does that count?
72. Can you commit to one person? Like I said, that's how I roll. 
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Define "everything."  :)  That probably means no.
74. Have you ever felt replaced? Yup.  One of the worst feelings. Ever.
75. Did you wake up cranky? Not this morning...
76. Are you a jealous person? I used to be, and not normally that way now unless given a reason to be...
77. Are relationships ever worth it? Yes.  If nothing else, for the lessons.
78. Anyone you’re giving up on? Not currently.
79. Currently wanting to see anyone? Yup.
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Get out of bed at 5am.  :/
81. Last person you cried in front of? Probably my mother.
82. Is there someone you will never forget?  There's a few.
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? Yes.
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? This is not that kind of blog. *wink*
85. Are you over your past? Probably not.
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Yes, and that never works out well unless the feeling was mutual...which it wasn't.
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? No.
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? I would except them but that doesn't mean it would go anywhere beyond accepting the apology. 
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Depends on what my living situation is at the time.  If I was living alone, sure.
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? No.
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? No idea.  Life is funny that way.
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? Yup.
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? No. 
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? No.
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? This past March?  Umm I think so.
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yes.
97. Who do you have texts from? Not a national secret, but it's no one's business either.
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Thank you for telling me, and I hope you're really happy.  The end.
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes. 
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? NKOTB.
101. Ever kissed under fireworks? No, but that might be nice.   :)
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Yes, it's the best.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Dear Santa....

Dear Santa,

(    )  I've been good all year.
(    )  Ok, most of the time.
(    )  Once in a while.
( X )  Fuck it.  I'll buy my own shit.


*Disclosure - I didn't actually come up with this all on my own.  I saw it floating around on the internet.  

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Online Window Shopping....Frontgate

I discovered this online store while perusing that SkyMall magazine that's stuffed in that pocket on the back of the seat in front of you on planes. I have been fantasizing and drooling over many of the items in their magazines (as well as the featured homes of Frontgate customers) ever since.  I keep telling day...

Without further ado, here's what I'm currently lusting after from Frontgate:

The Agresti Armoire with Safe.  I have been looking for a good jewelry armoire now for a while so I can keep all my jewelry in one and expensive alike.  This armoire may just be the ticket...but it happens to be an insanely expensive ticket ($9,995) I'm just going to go on and continue to fantasize about buying a luxury home for my jewelry.

The Cuisinart Convection Toaster Oven.  Yeah, I know you can get this like...everywhere else as well, but I happened to come across it while perusing the Frontgate website.  This is actually one item that might make it into my kitchen as it retails for $179, at least on this site.

The Waring Professional Popcorn Maker.  I mean COME ON!  This is something I NEED!  Don't believe me?  Read this.  The popcorn maker retails for $199 so yeah, this may be the perfect stocking stuffer....if you are so inclined. *hint hint*

Of course if you want to get all fancy on me, feel free to pony up this Old Time Popcorn Popper under the tree.  This retails for $1,595.  I won't be mad at ya.

Frontgate has some of the prettiest fireplace screens I've seen.  My current favorite is this design called Etienne.  It retails for $1,295. 

The Bladeless Dyson Personal Heater/Fan.  Ever since I saw the announcement of this little gem, I've been wanting one of these.  Perfect all year round for my bedroom.  It retails for $399.

I'm totally not giving this website justice on the items that they offer, but just check out the type of holiday decorations that sell.  If you too want to start fantasizing or maybe even buy something if you are fortunate enough to be able to, check out the website...and be sure to wipe up the drool off of your keyboard periodically.  Those keys tend to stick.  :)

*Frontgate has no idea I exist.  I just love the merchandise they offer.  The end.

Monday, December 5, 2011

5am And I Are NOT Friends

For a few different reasons, I begin my workweek waking at 5am, those reasons being train schedules, the time differences of many of my colleagues literally being on the other side of the world, etc.  The thing is, no matter what time I go to bed the night before, no matter how many hours of sleep I get, the second that alarm goes off on my Blackberry, it physically hurts to open my eyes and drag my ass out of my warm bed.  6am on the other hand... well I'm up and bouncy as a bunny given a good sleep the night before.  But that 5 am...that 5 am and I are NOT friends.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Something Always Brings Me Back To You...

This song haunts me, and my head has been playing it on repeat lately. That Sara Bareilles keeps taking a swan dive into my head and heart and turns it into music.  With the exception of the "keeping me down" part, it's kind of where my heart is at the moment.  Ok fine. It's exactly where my heart is at the moment.



Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

Online Window Shopping...Anthropologie

'Tis the season for shopping, and since I'm trying to cut back drastically (not very successfully) on spending in general, I decided to torture myself with some online window shopping. Today's torture muse: Anthropologie.  Truth be told I'm really not all that much of a fan of anything other than their kitchenware and tchochkes, but every once in a while there's a dress or top displayed in their store that catches my eyes.

Here are some of the things I'm already loving or lusting after on their website:

This is the Balloon White Wine Glass in turquoise.  Isn't it lovely?  It looks so delicate I can see myself shattering at least one of those if I ever ventured to buy a set.  It retails for $16 a glass.

The mixed bristle large Mason Pearson hairbrush.  I actually own and use one of these daily, and I LOVE it.  If you take care of the brush, the hope is that it will last like...forever.  And you're gonna want to hope it does because the sucker retails for $120.  Yes, you can buy this brush at other outlets, but the price won't vary much.  The brush is that good.

Latte bowls.  Now I would be one to take the name of these bowls literally, fill the thing up with latte and drink right out of them...because that's just the kind of chick I am.  However, these 18 oz. bowls from Portugal are the perfect size for portions of soup or cereal....and they're pretty too!  They retail for $30 for a set of 6.

Celestial coasters in lime.  I saw some of these in the store, and they are just gorgeous.  What the photo isn't picking up is that there is a sparkle to them.  And I love me some sparkle!  These come in sets of various shades and retails for $32 for a set of 4.

Izmir measuring cups.  Every time I'm in an Anthropologie and rummaging around their housewares area, I always find a new set of measuring cups or spoons that I wish I had in my kitchen.  I know that seems odd, but just take a look at these.  They're beautiful!  They're hand painted, come in a set of 4 and retails for $32.  

What are you wishing for during your window shopping excursions?

Friday, December 2, 2011

Me Too...

"i find that when i’m actually happily and comfortably in love i spend a lot less time writing about love and more time just living and loving. ♥"

Christmas In Spirit

I love Christmas.  I really do.  I love the decorations, the smells, the excitement of the season.  And I love the food.  But of course!  So you would think that my house would be Santa Village central, right?  Yeah, not so much.

What's up with that?

Well the last few years, I've either been sick around Thanksgiving - beginning of December, or I've been crazy busy at work.  With no kids in the house, and it really being only me who gets the biggest kick out of the holidays, it just doesn't seem worth what little energy I have left to decorate.  Honestly it's all I can do to get out Christmas cards on a certain level.  That's not to say I don't have decorations or ornaments out the yin yang, because I do.  I totally do.  And every year I visit Costco or Target or some other Christmas pop up store in the mall and buy more fun trinkets to store in the ...uh decorate with.

This year I had really good intentions of putting up the tree.  I wasn't going to be doing ANYTHING over Thanksgiving except make a small turkey dinner for my mom and I.  I even got half the tree out of the garage. 

(Side note: We have a nice fake 7 foot tree that we've had since I was probably 10 that's still in great shape.  Yeah yeah, I know it's not the same, but I have a hard enough time trying to get decorations up.  The last thing I need is to worry about keeping a tree alive for a month.)

But then on Thanksgiving evening I got all flu-like.  And achy.  And tired.  And the rest of the tree never made it out of the garage.  And I decided that this year it just wasn't going to happen either.  I'm just going to celebrate Christmas in spirit again.

And yet in the back of my mind, I have visions of Christmas protruding out of every nook and cranny of my house with a tree sparkling with a thousand lights and presents piling up underneath...and cookies baking in the oven.

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