Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Dementors

Came across this quote today in my Google Reader:

It’s so difficult to describe [depression] to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness, I know sadness. Sadness is to cry and to feel. But it’s that cold absence of feeling—that really hollowed-out feeling. That’s what Dementors are. ~J.K. Rowling

In my blog I try to not create an environment of downers.  I mean, there are plenty of those sites out there already.  Am I right?  But I do use it to express myself.  What's happening with me.  What inspires me.  Things I like.  Prose about me in general.  Sure, I can express only the positives of how awesome I am.  But that wouldn't be a completely honest representation of who I am.  And it would be really one dimensional and superficial, both of which I'm most definitely not.  So this quote is one of the things that caught my eye today.

Depression is so hard to describe to someone and have them really get it.  Even saying it's the absence of feeling for most people is a foreign concept.  Suffering means you're feeling.  Sad means you're feeling.  People get that.  But depression means you're just existing.  Literally just breathing. 

This is not a state that I'm currently in, and I hope that this never invades my life again, but it does inherently live in me.  It is something that I am unfortunately, genetically pre-disposed to.  And I still have my moments.  But with a lot of personal development work on understanding the hows and whys and working through my own triggers, I know there's an end to the tunnel and that it doesn't go on forever.  I just have to hang on and move forward, even if I'm numb and can't feel a thing.  I just need to keep going through the motions until I can feel again.  And I will always feel again.

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