Friday, September 30, 2011

This! Oh yes, this....

Photo credit:  image found on Google search

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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Yeah, Probably...

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Friday, September 23, 2011

Stuff I Love: Crazy Stupid Love

Have I written about this movie other than I had wanted to see it a while back?  Because I should have.  Besides Bridesmaids (which came out on DVD this week and is totally worth being in your collection, so like...go get it!) and The Help, this is one of the best movies I've seen so far this year.  LOVED IT!

The dialogue is awesome, smart, funny and honest.  The scenes are intelligently edited to really take the viewer on a ride through the story.  The acting...well you have Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, Marisa Tomei, with Kevin Bacon and Josh Groban making brief appearances as well. I mean, come on!  Really.  Go see this one.  In a theater.

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Yes, Yes I Do. SO. Much.

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011


It's not that I don't have anything to write lately on here. It's just that I'm coming across all of these great graphics that are speaking to me at the moment, so I thought I'd share.

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Monday, September 19, 2011

Stuff I Love: Hooked on Pinterest

I only began exploring and experimenting on the site called Pinterest in the last week or two, but I am totally hooked.  I love how I can "pin" my favorite things on virtual boards like I would an idea book or a scrapbook or even a corkboard. 

To get to know me even more and what I like from a visual standpoint beyond what you see here, this is totally the place to go:

Follow Me on Pinterest

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This. I Think This Is My Theme For the Week

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Sunday, September 11, 2011

Stuff I Love: Fix You...

This song seems appropriate today.  Appropriate because the country came together to try to fix the broken hearts and souls that were literally shattered ten years ago.  And we're still trying to fix it.

Lately (like in the last few years) it's a song that always seems to come on the radio when I'm driving alone at night with my heart hurting.  This is a song that I've been living my entire life it seems - with me being the one to fix things.  Make them better.

But in the last 5-7 years or so, it's a song that breaks my heart instead of makes me feel stronger.  It breaks my heart because I've come to realize that I don't know if there's truly ever been a time in my life that I could trust that there was someone strong enough in my life to wrap their heart and soul around me, protect me and "fix me."  To step outside of themselves and just be there for me.  It seems so selfish of me to even feel that way, but I know that I too deserve what I have so freely given.  One day I hope to know that feeling.  Safe.

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Friday, September 9, 2011

We Will Never Forget....

Photo source: Flicker/macten
I wasn't expecting to still be so emotional regarding September 11.  I guess more so that I didn't expect the raw pain and sadness to still feel so fresh.  It's been said that you'll always remember where you were when you heard about September 11.  I'll never forget it because I learned about it when I turned on the television that morning and saw the plane hit the second tower.  Live.

I was in public accounting at a Big 4 firm at the time and working on the financial statements of a small private company.  I had woken up early to try to get through as much of those statements as I could at home before heading into the office and possibly heading out to the client later that day.  As usual, one of the first things I did was turn on the Today Show.  I like to have the background noise going and have been that way ever since I can remember. In the first minute or two I wasn't paying attention to what was happening on that tv screen - until I heard either Katie (Couric) or Matt (Lauer) say something about a plane hitting one of the towers of the World Trade Center.  And then I looked up.  And saw the second plane hit and an explosion.  And for a second both the people in my television and the rest of the world went silent as our collective brains tried to comprehend what we had just witnessed.  As the events continued to unfold that morning I still tried to remain focused on my immediate task in front of me and make sure that I didn't disappoint my client and the powers that be that they had to answer to.  That lasted all of about another 15 minutes after news of the plane hitting the Pentagon came out.  And then the news of Flight 93.  That's when I put the pencil down.

United Flight 93 was a flight that went from Newark, NJ to SFO.  It's a flight that I had taken before.  It's a flight that I would be taking many times in the near future subsequent to September 11 - though obviously at the time I didn't know that.  Ever since that day the thought has crossed my mind - "If my travel schedule had been different...."

As much as I stayed glued to the television and the internet for any new information about what the heck was happening in the US, as usual under traumatic circumstances my brain went into autopilot and focused on the logistics of the immediate tasks at hand.  I still tried here and there to continue on with my job.  Part of that job was trying to get into contact with the CFO of this small private company I was working on.  In the early afteroon, I had not heard back from him, which was unusual.  He was always very prompt no matter what was happening.  I finally called the Accounting Manager, Anna.  It's funny the details you remember and those you don't.  I can't for the life of me remember the name of the client, nor can I remember the name of the CFO, but I can totally recall the name of the person who broke the news to me of why I couldn't get in touch with the CFO.

Anna told me that the CFO wouldn't be coming in that day, nor would he be available for any kind of further communication, and she wasn't sure when he would be.  You see, the CFO was engaged to a girl who lived in New York City.  They had been maintaining a long distance relationship because he was hired for this CFO position in California.  There had been numerous trips back and forth over the course of the prior year as she made plans to move to the West coast.  I knew that the wedding was coming up and his fiance was making arrangements to finally live over on our side of the country.  What I didn't expect was what Anna told me next, which completely knocked the wind right out of me. 

The reason I couldn't get in touch with the CFO was because the CFO's fiance was on Flight 93.  This was to be the flight that brought her to live with her future husband permanently.  I still have no words for what I felt right at that moment for him, for her, for our country, for humanity.

The CFO never fully made it back to work after that day.  The devastation was too much.  I'm not sure he's doing well, but I'm hoping he's been able to have healed enough to continue on really living life.  It's amazing how many people are either directly affected or are separated by so few degrees of someone directly affected.  I happened to be in New Jersey - right across the river from New York City on one of the anniversaries of 9/11.  It might have even been the 5th anniversary, and the energy felt very surreal that evening as the lights of remembrance lit up the sky where the towers once stood.

On this tenth anniversary, I'm surprised at how raw this still feels for me.  I can't even imagine what it feels like for those left behind, for those in NY, in and around the Pentagon, in Pennsylvania and the thousands of others who rushed to Ground Zero to do what they could.  One thing is for certain.  We will never forget.

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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Head. Desk.

Remember my post a couple of days ago regarding purging?  Well another thing I purged was....wait for

Those of you who know me know I love my caffeine and my main source of it being coffee.  There hasn't been a day in forever where there wasn't a visit to Starbucks, Peets or some other coffee establishment to get my fix first thing in the morning so I could "function."  I had noticed that the effect was diminishing so I also began having an afternoon "pick me up."  In the last couple of months however, I realized how excessive I've been with it.  Actually my stomach and digestive system have realized how excessive I've been with it and began revolting on me complete with heartburn that hasn't allowed me a really good night's sleep in a while.  Notice I didn't say I cut out caffeine...just coffee.  The truth is the caffeine in tea and other drinks don't really give me any kind of "kick" and regardless if I drink these refreshments in place of coffee, my body always feels like it's going through withdrawal.  What does that mean?  That means on Day 1 there's exhaustion where my brain and body function in slow motion to the point where it's noticeable to people besides me.  Day 2 brings on more exhaustion and a migraine to keep the fatigue company.  Day 3 is a much less painful version of the combination of Day 1 and Day 2.  By Day 4, I'm usually free of the detox symptoms and can just focus on breaking the habit of the addiction.

So where am I in my current detox?  Day 3 and this time there has been no sighting of a migraine in any of my detox days.  Thank God!  I have started taking 1000mg of L-Arginine due to the endorsement of Dr. Oz for relaxing blood vessels and allow better blood flow to the extremeties, so that may have helped me avoid the dreaded migraine.  But what has increased is the fatigue involved.  It's Day 3 and I currently feel like this:

Photo source: LateNightFashion

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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Ask Me A Number

I've seen a number of these come through my Google Reader, but I always shied away from actually re-posting any of them on my blog because...well, I would probably not answer half the questions publicly on the list if asked.  But this list?  This list I could answer.  So go on.  Ask me. :)

Photo source:  I have no idea, and I take no credit for this one.

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Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Over the last few weeks I have begun the process of purging from my life.  No need to call in the professionals.  I'm not referring to an eating disorder here.  I'm referring to a life clutter disorder.  I'm totally not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination, but I do tend to accumulate things I like.  And I like a lot of things.  The problem is that I don't need a lot of those things.  And a lot of those things rarerly get touched and appreciated once acquired.  So it's time to let them go.

What kinds of things am I letting go of?  Subscriptions to magazines and other services that I'm just not using to its full value.  For instance, I love magazines.  I love looking at the pictures.  I love reading the articles.  I just love good magazines.  I probably had about 6 magazine subscriptions going. To be fair a couple of those were given to me for free. *Thanks Starwood Preferred Guest Program*  But I didn't keep up with them, and now there are 3 - 3 ft tall stacks of magazines sitting next to my bed waiting to be read.  No, I'm not kidding.  So bye-bye subscriptions.  I've also put a sabbatical on my Netflix subscription because I most definitely have not been watching any movies from them in the last few months - or like 6.  There are neatly folded stacks and stacks and stacks of clothes that need to be sorted and mostly given away.  That's probably going to be the area where I'm just going to have to get really real about whether certain clothes are ever going to get worn...or worn again.

I'm also letting go of people and "friendships" that no longer are positive forces in my life - and maybe never were positive to begin with.  The kicker with that one is that they probably won't even realize that they've been "let go." I guess they technically haven't been "let go."  More like demoted to acquaintance status.

They say your environment around you is a reflection of what is going on inside of you.  This purge is long overdue.

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“I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want a steady hand, a kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe.”

- Shana Abé

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Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Dementors

Came across this quote today in my Google Reader:

It’s so difficult to describe [depression] to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness, I know sadness. Sadness is to cry and to feel. But it’s that cold absence of feeling—that really hollowed-out feeling. That’s what Dementors are. ~J.K. Rowling

In my blog I try to not create an environment of downers.  I mean, there are plenty of those sites out there already.  Am I right?  But I do use it to express myself.  What's happening with me.  What inspires me.  Things I like.  Prose about me in general.  Sure, I can express only the positives of how awesome I am.  But that wouldn't be a completely honest representation of who I am.  And it would be really one dimensional and superficial, both of which I'm most definitely not.  So this quote is one of the things that caught my eye today.

Depression is so hard to describe to someone and have them really get it.  Even saying it's the absence of feeling for most people is a foreign concept.  Suffering means you're feeling.  Sad means you're feeling.  People get that.  But depression means you're just existing.  Literally just breathing. 

This is not a state that I'm currently in, and I hope that this never invades my life again, but it does inherently live in me.  It is something that I am unfortunately, genetically pre-disposed to.  And I still have my moments.  But with a lot of personal development work on understanding the hows and whys and working through my own triggers, I know there's an end to the tunnel and that it doesn't go on forever.  I just have to hang on and move forward, even if I'm numb and can't feel a thing.  I just need to keep going through the motions until I can feel again.  And I will always feel again.

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