Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me

I'm not the kind of girl who, when faced with a man who is deciding between me and someone else, will say "Pick me, choose me, love me."  I firmly believe that if a man loves me, and I mean really loves me, there would be no choice for him.  I would want him to feel for me in the same way that I feel for him, and when I am in love, there is no other choice but the target of my love.  At the end of the day this is what I want.  

Currently, I'm in a certain situation with a guy that I have not yet given a nickname to here on this blog yet.  Partially because the most obvious nickname will no longer render him anonymous to a number of people who kinda sorta know me...and kinda sorta know him...and are smart enough to put two and two together.  And who knows who is reading this blog?  Anyway....

For reasons I have not gone into detail here, I know there may come a day when he finds someone else.  When our paths cross again.  When he looks at me and wonders if I miss him.  If I regret not being more aggressive when it came to making extraordinary efforts to be with him.  If seeing him with someone else might make me fight for him.

And I envision me telling him that I'm okay.  That I'm really happy that he found someone he cares so much for (and who seems to care deeply for him - if that's what I happen to observe).  That it's okay.  And not say anything else... because so far - even though he's made some effort, he's never indicated that I was the one...and he knows that I'm crazy picky in who I let into my life the way I let him in.

And I know he'll be relieved that we're still on good terms, although his eyes will show some slight disappointment....

But what he doesn't know is that I know that my heart will be yelling... "Pick Me!  Choose Me! Love ME!"

How do I know that?  Because it's been yelling that from the very first time our eyes truly connected in a parking lot...2 years ago.

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