Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Beautiful Disaster Revisited

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I haven't had cable television or satellite television or anything other than antenna based television for well over a decade at this point. It seems kind of odd considering how much I love television and movies that I wouldn't have it, but at the same time, it's probably what keeps me social out in the world at large.  Otherwise, I'm liable to get sucked into some show as I'm trying to leave the house and end up never leaving.


With the significant and long overdue upgrade of my desktop computer recently, I've been catching up on all things streaming on Netflix...which would include those previously elusive cable shows that I usually have to wait for arrival on DVD.  My latest obsession?  Army Wives

I was apprehensive about watching it as I grew up a military brat, and I was afraid that it would either make a mockery of how lives are actually lived when you're part of military family or just hit too close to home.  Thankfully, it was the latter.  I would rather be emotional than disappointed.  The latest episode was a doozie.  They sure have the military funeral protocol down.

During one of the episodes, they had "Beautiful Disaster" playing in the background of a montage of scenes.  How amazing it is that the song keeps showing up at times where that feels soooo incredibly personal to me.  Click on the link if you want to see my original post on the song and below is the song.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go curl myself in a ball and cry a good cry into my Oreos...

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Friday, March 11, 2011

Prayers To Friends in the Pacific

Today, sending love and prayers to friends and family in the Pacific, especially to Japan and the immediate surrounding areas.  The true impact of the devastation is yet to be known, but our thoughts and prayers are with you.  Please stay safe and continue to love one another.

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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me

I'm not the kind of girl who, when faced with a man who is deciding between me and someone else, will say "Pick me, choose me, love me."  I firmly believe that if a man loves me, and I mean really loves me, there would be no choice for him.  I would want him to feel for me in the same way that I feel for him, and when I am in love, there is no other choice but the target of my love.  At the end of the day this is what I want.  

Currently, I'm in a certain situation with a guy that I have not yet given a nickname to here on this blog yet.  Partially because the most obvious nickname will no longer render him anonymous to a number of people who kinda sorta know me...and kinda sorta know him...and are smart enough to put two and two together.  And who knows who is reading this blog?  Anyway....

For reasons I have not gone into detail here, I know there may come a day when he finds someone else.  When our paths cross again.  When he looks at me and wonders if I miss him.  If I regret not being more aggressive when it came to making extraordinary efforts to be with him.  If seeing him with someone else might make me fight for him.

And I envision me telling him that I'm okay.  That I'm really happy that he found someone he cares so much for (and who seems to care deeply for him - if that's what I happen to observe).  That it's okay.  And not say anything else... because so far - even though he's made some effort, he's never indicated that I was the one...and he knows that I'm crazy picky in who I let into my life the way I let him in.

And I know he'll be relieved that we're still on good terms, although his eyes will show some slight disappointment....

But what he doesn't know is that I know that my heart will be yelling... "Pick Me!  Choose Me! Love ME!"

How do I know that?  Because it's been yelling that from the very first time our eyes truly connected in a parking lot...2 years ago.

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Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Virus That Loves Me....

And I'm talking about an actual virus here, and not a manboy disguised as a virus.  It hit me over the weekend, and I was naive enough to think that it was minor enough that I didn't have to do anything other than rest a bit more, and my immune system would kick it to the curb.  Now that might work for those with kick ass immunity, but unfortunately for me I haven't had a Wonder Woman strength immune system ever since I was struck with chronic fatigue syndrome in 2003/2004.  While I was fortunate enough to find a regimen that worked to get me up and functioning at least at 85-90% of what I used to be, I realize I need to be a lot more cognizant of the demands on my body when a virus or other illness is lucky enough to make its way into me.

So this virus that I have seems to be going around and lingering.  Such a player this virus is as it has hit on my girlfriends nationwide as well as my coworkers.  And like many of those bad boys that have crossed my path, this one doesn't want to keep me (thank goodness) but doesn't want to let me go too quickly either.  Well honey, let me just tell you:

I'm just not that into you.  We're done. 

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