Monday, November 22, 2010

The NKOTBSB Tour...

Because there has to be at least one post about this, right?

Last night the music industry seated at the American Music Awards felt what the rest of us fans felt that night at Radio City Music Hall did when the Backstreet Boys hit the stage with my boys.  While some are just never going to be receptive to the idea of them sharing a stage, there is no denying the electricity that erupted when they emerged.  Just to refresh some memories, here is my video of that night at Radio City:

And here is the video from last night's American Music Awards:

As I had anticipated, the guys nailed that performance because the amount of positive press generated since the ending of last night's show has just been tremendous.  Also as I anticipated, a ton of new tour dates have been released the morning after...this morning. 

I've been going through this emotional metamorphosis over the last few months.  If you've read any of my posts during this time, I know what you're thinking.

"No shit."

With respect to the New Kids, I've sort of come full circle.  I'm back at the point that I was in in 2008 of being excited about them being together and out active in the world as a group, but I'm no longer of the mindset that I'm going to rearrange my life to fit the tour schedule.  Instead, I've returned to - we'll see where their tour fits into my life.  It wasn't really a conscious decision.  I'm just going with what I inherently feel.  I can already feel the NKOTB fan community start to pull away from me pretty quickly...not everyone, but most of those that are currently thinking about tour schedules, vacation plans and travel arrangements as a larger list of dates have been announced.  That makes me sad, but it is what it is.

I mentioned this change to my mom a few weeks ago and besides the HUGE tone of relief in her voice, she said something that caught me off guard.  I expected something along of the lines of "Thank God.  It's about time you started living real life again, grow up, etc," because honestly that's consistently what I've heard over the last few years. Instead, she said this:

"It sounds like whatever you needed to get from them coming back this time around has been fulfilled.  You don't have to chase it anymore."

Up until that moment, I had vehemently denied that I had been chasing anything.  That I was just doing what I've always wanted to because I had the means and flexibility to do it.  That if I wasn't in the financial shape I was in, I would have just gone to my one show in town and called it a day.  But the truth is that in that moment, I realized she was right. (I hate that.) I had been chasing something.  I was chasing a dream.  I was chasing a feeling.  I'm still not at the point where I completely think that I've gotten what I was chasing (which means I probably haven't), but whatever sent me on that journey has decided that I've gotten what I needed.

I feel like I'm in mourning about this.  It's like the death of something - like breaking up with a childhood sweetheart after 20+ years.  Because as much as I feel a natural separation happening and know my life is going in a different direction, it still hurts in a way I didn't expect.

Will I still have my moments of fangirl giddiness?  Absolutely.  Am I still going to at least 1 concert?  Of course.  But it's take the path not yet taken.

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Friday, November 19, 2010

A Little Explanation About My Last Post....

I was having a rough day...or really a rough few weeks on the emotional front.  If I'm honest, I'm still not quite all out of it, but I can totally feel myself starting to reach the peak of that hill and feel the relief of moving to the other side of it.  For whatever reason the timing is pretty consistent over the last few years when these periods occur.  I could probably tie it into a few incidents or "anniversaries" that my subconscious taps into that brings on the downer of a mood, but I won't get into it right now.  

The real reason why I posted the excerpt I came across in my blog reading is that I had never read a passage that explained what I have felt from time to time so concisely and accurately.  It really is a big black numbing hole.  I may not have complete control of the option of being in that hole, but what I know for sure now that I didn't know growing up is that I do have complete control of how I react to being there - no matter how I actually feel.  So I will acknowledge its presence when the hole appears and allow myself to move through it because I no longer have to fight it or stay in it.  Either of those options takes way too much energy.  I will always choose to wait it out and move through it.  I will always come through the other side into sunshine.

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Friday, November 5, 2010

The Truth About Depression...

photo from sticky with champagne
“That’s the thing I want to make clear about depression: It’s got nothing at all to do with life. In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorrow, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal — unpleasant, but normal. Depression is an altogether different zone because it involves a complete absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absence of interest. The pain you feel in the course of a major clinical depression is an attempt on nature’s part (nature, after all, abhors a vacuum) to fill up the empty space. But for all intents and purposes, the deeply depressed are just the walking, waking dead.”
                                                                       Prozac Nation (Elizabeth Wurtzel)

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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Right Now...

There are a million things I could be doing right now.  There are a million things I should be doing right now.  But the only thing I AM doing right now... is looking at my hand that's missing being in yours.

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And So It Begins....

And by "it" I mean the madness that will be 2011!

New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys. One stage. Once in a lifetime! Visit for more info!

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