Thursday, October 21, 2010

With Regard to Not Falling...

After I wrote yesterday's post, I sat with it for a while.  Finished my work day.  Rode with it on the train on my commute home.  Had it accompany me to dinner.  And finally, in the shower where I work through most of whatever is happening in my brain, it processed.  The reason I haven't allowed and won't allow myself to feel for more than a second what my heart has normally felt at this that there is a real strong possibility that this someone will not ever want me to fall for him that way.  And I don't know that I want to go through that again.

What kills me is that I also know this to be true:  there will come a moment or a different person altogether where I will have no choice.  I will have fallen before I could stop myself, and my ability to not allow myself to go there this time may have answered many of my own questions.

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