Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Any Boy Can Buy A Stone...

I was driving to the office with my co-worker this morning when we heard the DJ talk mention how he’s not a fan that Jennifer Hudson went from a size 16 to a size 6. He thought she looked better when she was a little bigger. That comment prompted a quick little conversation where I recalled… okay, complained… okay, whined… about when I was in high school. I was around a size 8 or 10 depending on the season, and I always felt like one of the bigger girls in the school. When I got out of high school, it seemed it was no longer intimidating to the boys (including the ones I had crushes on during school) to reveal to me that they have had or had crushes on me. They thought I was beautiful. More than once I asked, “Well then where the hell were you when I was single? Why did you not talk to me? Ask me out? Ask for my number?” Not one of them gave me an answer more than a shrug.

Not two seconds went by after that last sentence left my mouth that my co-worker said this to me:

Any boy can buy a stone, but it takes a man to dig deep for a diamond.”

You always get what you need when you need it. When I had been laid off from my job last year, I devalued myself professionally. I hung my head and sat with all the other stones in the rock pile. Until right this second as I’m typing this, I’m realizing that I had been devaluing myself on a personal level from high school…maybe even longer than that. I had been looking for validation outside of myself to determine my worth.

The one area I could hang onto was the professional side of me because I had some control over that… until that rug was pulled away too.

Maybe I needed that to go away so I could hear what people have been trying to convey to me. Maybe I needed that to go away so I could hear what my soul has been trying to show me. Maybe I needed that so I could finally shine… like a diamond.

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