Sunday, September 13, 2009

I Can't Explain


Well, that's not true. I'm gonna at least try a little to explain...

Did you ever have one of those days? One of those days where nothing specific or terribly horrific happened, but a bunch of small minor things came together to just hit you? Through all of that you continued to give of yourself...to offer support, love, encouragement to those that needed it. To feel the happiness for those same people when their hopes come to fruition and in a way even better than they were originally hoping for? And at the end of it you realize that you had nothing left to give yourself...and there was no one in your world with the capacity or ability to provide that same support to you - at least not with the same intensity that you needed it?

I didn't just have one of those days. This describes my September - so far. Yes, I realize September is not even half over yet, but when one of those days drags into a few days that drag into a week or more...it feels like forever. I've done a lot of personal development work over the last few years. I know that I can change how I'm feeling like that *snapping my fingers.* I know to focus on what went right, what made me feel good and happy.

I also know, however, that sometimes it's okay to just let your mind and your body feel bad...to feel tired...worn out...emotionally drained. If we never let our bodies, minds and souls feel what they want to feel, how would we know when we need to step back? To reassess? To readjust? To come clean? To recharge?

So that's what I'm allowing myself to do. I've grown up having to fake a lot of smiles...fake a lot of happiness because well hell, somebody had to be the designated driver in the happinessmobile, and it seemed that I was unofficially designated to be that person in my family, in my community. This time I'm not faking it because it doesn't serve me or anyone else to do so.

Those of you who have provided me the smiles and distractions from the heaviness in my heart, thank you from the very bottom of it. You know who you are.

No need to be concerned. I know this is incredibly unusual for most of you who know me either in real life or online as I am the "bearer of light" so to speak. I still have that light, I'm just gonna need to shine it back at me for a little bit.


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1 comment:

  1. I am very happy that I found our blog. I seen myself as I read it. Keep sharing,because you have a message.....

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