Friday, May 29, 2009

Waiting to Exhale





Two weeks later, I got this response from Mr. Blue Eyes (these posts were all in 2006):

So, I got a response.  A response back from Mr. Blue Eyes.  He read the entry....my memoir about him from August 2.  Here's the important info from his email - First, he's been crazy busy, which is normally an excuse, but in our line of work, I totally get why there was a long response time.  Plus, I figured after reading that post, there definitely had to be time to figure out how exactly to respond to it.  I mean, how would anyone respond to someone who wrote about them being their first love and liking the person, but not in that way?  And second...and this did not help in the closure department...he is still single.  I'm disappointed because I wanted the permanent closure, but honestly I'm not all that surprised.
I didn't realize I was holding my breath in anticipation of his response, until I just exhaled deeply a few minutes ago after reading it.  I guess in some ways there is closure.  Now there is no question about what happened from my end.  He knows everything.  I've literally held nothing back.  And I don't regret one word of it.  I can now move on....and I see the path laid out in front of me that wasn't there before....

Have I moved on?  It's 2009.  I'm still single.  And I'm not gonna lie and say that my heart doesn't still tug at me a bit at the thought of him.  But I am excited, really excited even at the prospect of feeling something even more intense for someone - and even better, experience what it feels like for them to feel that intensely back at me.  Ooh...just got tingles.  ;-)


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