Saturday, April 4, 2009

Random Thoughts - Always On Your Side

Today was an interesting one for me. Many random thoughts and a bit of an emotional journey, so please bear with me.

There was lots of sun shining outside, so it was a perfect day to head to the coast and enjoy some fish 'n chips at my favorite place...
Photo by Me
...and keep up with tweets from the Midwest about the NKOTB concert in Michigan. Hey, if I can't be there in person, the next best thing is to read a play-by-play as it happens, right? Yes, I'm masochistic.
The nostalgia continued when I returned home and happened to glance in my bookcase at my high school senior year memory book. I turned to a page where I listed out what was considered "in" and "out" at the time. Horror of horrors, this is what I listed for what was "out" under Music:
Photo by Me
Do you see it? New Kids On the Block???!!! I sat there dumbfounded, until I realized that I was listing this as what was generally considered "out" by the public that early summer of 1993. Whew! Then as I flipped through the rest of the book, I also realized the obsessive infatuation I had with my boyfriend at the time. It's with the wisdom of the woman I've become and the real love I've experienced since that I can look back and see it for what it was. Unfortunately, I think said boyfriend has romanticized memories of us. Sent me a second message just yesterday on Classmates.com wanting to "get in touch." Get a clue...I don't want to have anything to do with you...I don't care how beautiful you thought I was or your disbelief at my single status and lack of kids (although I'm harboring a bit of my own disbelief of my status). Flattery is not going to get YOU anywhere.
Anyway, all this nostalgia brought another distinction for me. There are some events that occur in people's lives that are so distinct, so disruptive, so intense that you refer to your life as "before" the event and "after" the event. The particular event for me is my father passing away. The entire discussion in the previous paragraph is my life before my dad died. A time when I thought all was right with the world: I had a boyfriend. I had a car. I was in the National Honor Society and was graduating high school with honors. I had phenomenal friends. I was popular in a way that I felt comfortable with. I was seriously flying high...and then "it" happened.
I can't remember if I mentioned that music is my anchor, but when I'm moved emotionally a song or melody is inevitably tied to it. Here's the song that's running through me right now. Read into the lyrics what you will.


Disclaimer: So somehow my blog turned into a Donnie Wahlberg/NKOTB focus, and I really had no intention of that happening when I started this thing. At this point, I'm not sure what my intention for the blog was, but this subject I was just going to keep close to my heart - because that's where it's really been for the last 20 years. It was only public knowledge if you actually KNEW me. The only thing I can say is that this is obviously where my focus is, and until I really hanker down and get my blog designed so I have a separate area for this particular love, then it's going to monopolize the entire site for a while.

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