Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year!

My plans for this evening? Well, I had a nice dinner with my mom, and then we both went to get a good rubdown (aka massage and reflexology). Been feeling under the weather this week, so laying low tonight. Now I'm bundled up in my bed watching the delayed broadcast of Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve with my laptop on my lap. My ideal way to spend New Year's Eve? No, but kind of par for the course to cap off 2009.

I hope all of you have a gorgeous night! Wishing you a health, love and indescribable joy in 2010 and beyond!

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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Maybe I'll Be The One...

"Maybe I'll be the one that doesn't get burnt."

I saw this quote scrolling through all of my Google Reader subscriptions (that I'm waaaaay behind on reading) this morning. A one line entry....that caught my attention. Because really, isn't this the sentence that runs constantly in the back of our minds when we embark on a new journey where our gut is telling us to change course but our head is trying desperately to convince our "voice" otherwise?

"Maybe I'll be the one that doesn't get burnt."

This was running through my head when I took on a new opportunity last year. The track record wasn't good. Those before me did not conquer the obstacle in the road. But I was SuperChick, and I could handle anything. Which I could and could have - had I chosen to play the game. But I was tired of playing the game before I even got to it and convinced myself that by playing the game according to the rules and the way it should be played that "maybe I'll be the one that doesn't get burnt" and can change the course of the game.

How did that turn out?

I am no longer playing the game. This chick was voted off the island.

Now there is something else happening in my life...just starting...just barely becoming And this is the phrase that caught my attention...this morning.

"Maybe I'll be the one that doesn't get burnt."

Coincidence? Nothing happens by coincidence....

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Coming Home Part Deux...The Music Video

Again, can't even begin to describe the emotions watching this one. I recognize the footage from being at a concert or two featured in the video. 2009 was definitely a "Coming Home" in more ways than one. Thank you Donnie, Danny, Jordan, Jon and Joe for setting my homecoming to music. I will never forget it.

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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Coming Home...

I promise I'll write a post about my own NKOTB story. I need to find the right way to express it because it will be one of the most personal posts I'll write. So until then, I'll just share little how I felt when I saw this trailer yesterday for the first time:

It's been over a year now since those boys announced their return and resurrected the fangirl in every single one of us Million Sisters who have come together to welcome back the Five Brothers from Boston. How very quickly I think we have started to take for granted what we have been very fortunate we all are to have this opportunity to once again experience out loud the love that never really went away. At times even I have taken for granted how lucky I am to have had the experiences I did with those boys in these last months...personal experiences. It isn't hard to take it for granted when they all have been so interactive with us access to them in ways we never could have imagined possible back in the day. Technology has made becoming jaded a much faster reality than it did when Donnie, Danny, Jordan, Jon and Joe conquered the music world the first time around.

But yesterday those first few notes danced across the keyboard through my speakers ...the lights flashed across the stage on my computer screen... and I am immediately transported back to that first moment when I saw them return to the stage together. "After all these years, is this really happening? Are they really together? Am I really here?"

Then I look at my pictures, and I remember the hugs and the eyes that smiled back at me when I looked into them, and I realize every time we all came together to celebrate each other, that we were all Coming Home. And I am grateful.

For more details and to pre-order your own copy, visit

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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Tell the Truth...

Tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
I have a couple of crushes right that I can do something about, and one that I want to leave alone.

What on your body is hurting or bothering you?
My heart.

What was your last thought before going to bed last night?
What is happening?

What are you listening to?
Coming Home by NKOTB

What’s something you’re not looking forward to?
Saying goodbye to my co-workers on Friday.

Where do you think your best friend is right now?
Which one?

Have you kissed anybody in the last 5 days?
Try asking that it denominations of years, and the answer will still be no.

Sex on the first date?
No - but I will never say never.

Kiss on the first date?

Is there one person you want to be with right now?
Right this second I do happen to have someone on my mind....

Are you seriously happy with where you are in life?
No...but I'm doing something about it.

Is there something you would like to say to someone?
There are a few things I would like to say to a few people.

What are three things you did today?
Fed my fangirl heart with NKOTB stuff, had lunch, missed someone.

Would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?
Sleep at a friend's.

What is your favorite kind of gum?
I don't really chew gum...

Are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?
I was...we don't really talk anymore...and there are a couple who I know wishes they were at least still friends with me.

What is on your wrists right now?
My watch...a papercut

Do you hate when people call you when you’re sleeping?
Depends on who's calling.

Ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?
Oh sure...I am the Queen of Unrequited Love

Who’s the biggest slut you know?
I'm a Lady...there will be no calling out of said slut.

Does anyone have strong feelings for you?
Not that I'm aware of. Feelings maybe...strong ones I doubt.

Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
Kind of...

Have you ever wasted your time on someone?
I'm over 30, so yes.

Can you do the alphabet in sign language?
Yes...a little known fact about me, but yes.

How long have you had MySpace?
Is that thing still around?

How have you felt today?
Emotionally all over the place.

You receive $60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
Right now...bills. Under normal employed circumstances...a massage.

What is wrong with you right now?
Absolutely nothing.

Is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?

Would you rather have Starbucks or Jamba Juice right now?
Starbucks - duh.

Why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?
I've only been 'in love' once, and technically he can't be considered an ex.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
1am...I was watching a rerun of The Hills. Shut up. :)

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

What were you doing an hour ago?
Some co-workers took me out for a good-bye lunch.

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
Not knowing what's gonna happen a month from now.

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
Absolutely not.

Are you wearing jeans right now?

Are you a patient person?
When I need to be.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?

Favorite color?

Are you missing someone?
Didn't I answer this already? Yes.

Did you have a dream last night?
If I did, I can't remember it.

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
Jeans...again, I thought we established this.

If someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?
Let's keep him guessing, shall he's even reading this.

Do you love anyone who is not related to you?
Sure. "In love" no, not at the moment.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Yes! Life is too short. Who knows? I might actually like you too!

Do you like meeting new people?

Are you afraid of falling in love?

Ever liked someone older than you?
That is usually how it goes for me...

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? high school the artsy goth guy that sat next to me even drew my eye during chemistry class when he was bored. I still have that drawing.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?
All the fucking time.

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Friday, December 4, 2009

If I Were To Have a Son...

...this would SO be something I can imagine him doing....and he would totally be taking after his mama! :)

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Seven Wonders of the World

Junior high school students in Chicago were
studying the Seven Wonders of the World. At
the end of the lesson, the students were asked
to list what they considered to be the Seven
Wonders of the World. Though there was some
disagreement, the following received the
most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. The Taj Mahal in India
3. The Grand Canyon in Arizona
4. The Panama Canal
5. The Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student, a quiet girl, hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The quiet girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."

The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:

1. to touch...
2. to taste...
3. to see...
4. to hear... (She hesitated a little, and then added...)
5. to feel...
6. to laugh...
7. and to love.

The room was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop.

May this story serve as a gentle reminder to all of us that the things we overlook as simple and ordinary are often the most wonderful - and we don't have to travel anywhere special to experience them.

Enjoy your gifts!

Author unknown

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Here We Go Again...

So I've never been a Joey girl - as in Joe McIntyre. He has always been too babyfaced for me. After I met him a few times during this past year or so, there still wasn't any kind of chemical reaction to being in his presence...until he looked in my eyes with those blue eyes of his. Then looked into my eyes again from the stage and gave me a smile in Las Vegas. I repeat: gave ME a smile! Definitely one of those moments that until something like that happens you forget that they could actually see you from the stage too - especially when you're standing right next to it.

Anyway, it wasn't until that moment that something started to shift. I started seeing him a little differently. I'm still not a Joey girl. Donnie has my fangirl heart permanently. But I have to say, this new video Mr. McIntyre has out makes me go hmmm. Alright - fine. I'll admit it. My first exclamation upon seeing the video was: "HOLY ABS JOE!!!"

See for yourself:

Oh yeah...and the music rocks too! Love the new single!

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Monday, November 16, 2009

Theme For the Rest of This Year

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Friday, November 13, 2009

Your Position Has Been Eliminated...

One week ago today I had a meeting with my boss. It was scheduled in a conference room where I knew we held certain types of meetings. I also knew this meeting could have gone one of two ways:

The first scenario was for him to reveal that one of our other managers was leaving our department to fill a new position working on a 2 year project in another area of the company and that he wanted to fill me in on the new responsibilities that I would be assuming and the other changes that the department would have to make - especially in light of the majority of my function being transferred to another department as well.

The second scenario would be to tell me that in light of the majority of my current job responsibilities being transferred to another department and that based on what his future vision of the structure of the department to be, that my position would be eliminated altogether and to get the hell out...but nicely and in a more professional manner...of course.

Guess which scenario I was fed?

Everyone in the department knew something was going on because "HeadMaster" was not revealing anything to anyone, including us managers, except that he was having discussions on the future of the department. As in every organization, there is always a backstory. ALWAYS. There is no exception here...but quite honestly it's exhausting just thinking about all of the events that occurred and tidbits of information I acquired The last thing I have the energy for is to blog about all of that stuff. Besides, at this point, what good would it do anyone?

I was basically given the option at that point for last Friday to be my last day at work, or to be retained by the company for another month to perform the European work and wrap up everything else that I had been working on. Did I mention that I was leaving to come here to Europe the very next day? Talk about timing. It sucked. Royally. He knew I would be professional about it and used that to his advantage. He knew I wouldn't say suck it and walk out, though that was what I really really really wanted to do.

"I understand if you want to take some time for yourself today to read through the information and...just take some time for yourself," he told me. generous of you.

The second that meeting was over, I walked straight to my desk, grabbed my purse with my severance package folder in my hand and walked out "to deal." I'm not going to lie and say I was stoic about it. I was stoic when I needed to be. But the second I got home...the tears and bawling started to freeform. It was like someone had broken up with me.

Someone did break up with me.

I knew I would be fine professionally and financially, but my ego had been bruised. Up until last week, I was the person that people bent over backwards to save...not the first one to be cut at the opening of an opportunity. And it hurt. And it was personal, regardless of what anyone would like me to believe. Even if there was nothing felt personally against me...against my performance...well, let's just say that I know it's more than just having a department organized in line with what other companies of a similar size have.

I pulled myself together enough so that I could be understood through my tears as I called my mom and broke the news to her. We both knew I would be fine. The timing of the announcement was just shocking.

After I got off of the phone with her, my brain and my body went into somewhat of an automatic pilot setting. Unfortunately, this is not the first time in my life I have had to deal with something that was shocking and traumatic. Thank God though in terms of severity, being laid off was pretty low down on the list so automatic pilot came quickly.

I really pulled myself together, got back in my car and headed back to the office to make the afternoon status meeting I had scheduled. First and foremost, I am a leader. I still had staff to lead. I was still their Manager until mid-December. When I arrived at the office, I began the task of sitting down with each one of the other managers, the staff and other company contacts I worked directly with on a regular basis to inform them about what the situation was and that I was "okay." That I will be "okay." For many of them, I may be their first "direct" experience in this type of situation, and I really felt it was important that they be provided with the most professional example possible. That if they were faced with a situation, that they had a reference point from which to draw on - and that it was a good one.

Even though my reaction to a situation is my choice to make, this decision on how to react really just presented itself to me. I don't know how to be any other way but the consummate professional, especially in a difficult situation. I really just don't know how to be any other way.

So I finished up with all of my own "discussions," gathered my work stuff together for my Europe trip and left go home and pack. Needless to say from the time of that fateful meeting to the time I boarded the plane on Saturday evening, I was pretty much in a daze. I still have moments of being dazed and confused over the last week that I've been here in Europe. That's to be expected. What I didn't expect was that picking up and having to go to Europe immediately would actually be healing...and a blessing.

The one thing that I do know that became more clear than anything over this past week...the second you stop trying is the second people stop trying for you. I stopped trying to be any better than what was required early on in this job because any additional effort or initiative was struck down as not being a "good idea." Most of the others in my department had already reached that point prior to my even becoming employed at the company. I just happened to be the one that took the fall.

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Thursday, November 12, 2009

A Fantasy...

I have this fantasy that I'm almost afraid to speak out I'm writing it down. Here it is:

There is a a studio...or some location of the like where our paths will cross again. You will look up into my eyes and that flash of recognition will dance across them. You will reach down into your pocket, pull out your Blackberry and bring up a photo that was taken many months ago. It will be a group picture. You will ask, "Is this you?" pointing to a brunette in a green shirt with lace on the sleeves.

"Yes," I will reply, surprised. "Why?"

"Because when I look at you and your smile in this photo, everything always seems better," you will reveal.

"Do you look at this photo often?" I will ask, anxious to know the answer.

With a smile on your face and looking down shyly, you will answer, "Yes."

And tears form instantly in the corners of my eyes as my head falls into my hands and my heart almost cannot bear this revelation. All this time I thought I had been invisible to you. All this time, I had thought that my face was just one of the many thousand random faces that have crossed your path over these many months.

And all this had held my face so carefully next to your heart.

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Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Joey Says Hello

Now this would be the way timing works out in my life....being out on vacation and a New Kid stops by my office...just to hang. I need to get a job in a radio station.

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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Dear Future Love...

[courtesy of We Heart It]

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Thursday, October 22, 2009

And the Winner Is...

Congratulations to #4 @Lorenita327! Your DVD will be on its way to you shortly.

If I can find my extra copy of it this weekend, I'll be giving away a Face the Music CD next week. If not, I'll figure out something else to give away. :)

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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hangin' Tough Live Giveaway

Photo by me

Back in I989, I was about a year into my full blown life-long love affair with the New Kids on the Block. I had moved to a new small town, a new high school and to make it even more fun I was also in between my freshman and sophomore years in high school. But I had a best friend, who was also new to the school and had a love for those guys that seemed like only we could understand at the time. When the announcement came out that there would be a Pay-Per-View special (remember those?) of a New Kids concert that would be broadcast LIVE from LA’s Mayan Theater, I think my friend Jenny and I collectively lost our minds.
For the youngsters out there, you have to understand…being a fangirl back in the day was not like it is today. Pay-Per-View specials were far and few between. Seeing any concert live that we weren't actually attending was a BIG deal.
Quickly, plans were thrown together. Whose house would we watch it from? Could we get the parentals to leave us alone for that period and just allow us to go out of our minds?
I honestly don’t remember much about that evening except for what was happening on that screen. Ok fine, the only things I truly remember were the smiles on Donnie’s face…well all of his expressions really. J
…which comes to today. A few months ago, Hangin’ Tough Live was released on DVD. I didn’t actually order it until about a week ago and I ordered an extra one by mistake…I don’t know how that happened. J We always seem to want more when it comes to those guys, don’t we? Actually, I end up buying multiple copies of things because I forget I already have it. I think I have an extra copy of the Face the Music cd laying around here somewhere too….next giveaway? ;)
Instead of returning the extra Hangin’ Tough Live DVD, I thought I would just give it away on here.
So here’s what you need to do: Leave a comment on this post of your own memories about when you saw Hangin’ Tough Live for the first time between now and 5pm PDT on Thursday, October 22. One winner will be randomly selected to receive the DVD.
If you were too young or don’t remember specifically about watching this performance for the first time, share your earliest memory of loving the guys. J
(and if you're on Twitter, please tell me your Twitter name)

Good luck!

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